ASHEWO

The journey of spinsterhood and a little bit of sex talk

If you haven’t been called a prostitute, then are you really a woman?

Men are intimidated by women who are openly sexual and confident about their bodies. They are intimidated by women who show off their new ride. You wear a mini skirt, ashewo. You wear a long skirt, ashewo. It’s simply part of the names thrown at us as Nigerian women.

I don’t know why women crash out for being called Ashewo. I was called a prostitute by a creep who checked my TikTok and assumed I was changing apartments. Meanwhile, the houses belong to either me or my boyfriend at the time, and you’d mostly just see my front door. I simply laughed, because how entitled can a stranger be? Someone who doesn’t know me, and the only reason we were having a conversation was because he begged for a date. And when I say begged, he was constantly asking for two weeks straight.

This same idiot had pretended to be someone he wasn’t, and because I was in a very vulnerable place, I couldn’t immediately clock that it wasn’t Tunde, my ex who liked offending me and apologizing again.

When people ask me why I can’t stand men or entertain them, I can give you a million scenarios. It’s like men see me and think, “Let’s try to wind her up.” And one thing I know how to do is patiently call you out and make you feel stupid. I won’t haul insults at you... yet.

Now, why am I speaking about this? There’s this babe on Twitter who’s currently crashing out. A very f**king smart babe.

A Physicist.

Lmao, so you can imagine how smart she is.

She posted a video of herself in a cute two-piece (pyjamas) and was dancing. Then the men, of course, called her ashewo.

Tell me why she’s crying????

She really thought because she was smart and they were praising her for her smartness, they wouldn’t call her a hoe.

Y’all, the crash-out had me laughing. She was crying and hasn’t posted ever since. She really thought being smart would make her an exception to being called ashewo.

Before we get into that, here are names or words men have given women:

• Ashewo

• How much

• Slut

• Mid

• What’s your price

• Cheap

• Hoe

• And many, many more.

I think men want to be women so badddd.

You show off your body, they are mad. You show off your car, they are mad. You show off your new shop, they are mad.

They can’t fathom a woman being successful by herself.

And if a woman has a sponsor? Whoopty damn doooo.

You too, bend your back and collect back shots now.

As someone who’s sexually liberated, it always shocks men when I have a sexual conversation with them and don’t shut it down.

We are two grown adults, and talking about sex shouldn’t be a big deal. If you can confidently open your mouth as a man, so can I. And just because we spoke about sex doesn’t mean I’m going to have sex with you. That’s always my favorite plot twist.

I need more women to lose the idea of being ashamed to be sexual. I’m not even going to deny it—I am a very sexual person. I used to constantly shame myself for wanting to be touched.

Mind you, I have never been into sex. I’m the type of person who can’t kiss a man I’m not emotionally attracted to. There has to be either a mental or emotional connection.

I discovered I could cum in August 2024. That day changed the perspective of my sexual life. And perks to being self-aware, because I can never be addicted to a man’s penis (so I thought, guys 😭). I would cum at least 30 times, and he was counting. I almost felt like I could reach for the sky—what was that feeling? I wanted more. It wasn’t raging sex. He was taking his time to understand my body, and the aftercare—just wow.

After we broke up, I knew I could cum, but I didn’t know the exact positions that favored me until I met Him. I feel Him really piqued my interest and desire in sex more. I have always been a very intimate person. I like when sweet nothings are whispered into my ear. I also liked how he took his time with me.

The first time Him and I had sex, I was scared—I was mortified.

. I remember running away and telling him I couldn’t do this any longer because it just hurt too much.

I also didn’t like him as much as I wanted to for me to have any sexual relationship, I need to build a certain level of emotional connection, and I was still a bit hung up on my ex—not because of the sex, but because my ex was genuinely my best friend, and even though we were no longer together, it felt like I was cheating on him.

Him thought I did not like him. But what was there not to like?

I have never had a type in my life. I always believed that it was such a limiting way of loving somebody by putting someone in a construct.

I would see a tall, attractive guy and say, “Oh, that’s an attractive man,” but never once did I say, “That’s my type of man.” It was just an attractive man. I could also see a guy who was a little bit shorter than him. I would still be more attracted to the brains than your physical attraction...

If you check my past newsletter, there was a time where I was telling stories about this particular rich man and this babe. I must confess that, if you know me personally, I was literally narrating my life in those stories.

Some people caught on, some people didn’t, but this is me confessing that some of it was fictional, and some of it was actually my real life.

But the way that guy was in my story, that’s exactly the way Him was. So, there might be a bit of obsession going on there.

And even though I’m a very sexually liberated person, I’m quite learned because I read a lot, so I can easily have conversations about sexual experiences, but I’ve never had a personal experience about it.

So, my knowledge was both broad and limited, and that’s a very possible thing to happen to anybody.

You can have a broad knowledge of something, and you can also have limited personal knowledge.

That’s because your mind can understand a lot of things that you might not have experienced.

Okay, back to the story. The first time I had sex, I was avoiding going to his place, but I just said, “F**k it,” and I went. It was so scary for me. I remember being horrified, and I couldn’t fathom what that was and how it would fit into me.

I used to really hate when people called me tiny, or petite, or small, but I’ve come to accept that I’m actually a very tiny person.

I am not on the big size. I wear a size 4 on a bad day, and I wear a size 6 on a very good day.

I started gaining weight in the right places

I just have flesh in the right places, that’s what people tell me.

I used to struggle with that a lot because I always wanted to be a thick, chubby, you know, a babe with a little bit of flesh.

But back to the story I remember that day, we had a meal, and it was horrible. We both have a sweet tooth, so we decided to get ice cream.

He’s a very touchy person. We’re standing as one, looking, tasting the type of ice cream we want. His arms are around my neck, and we’re close together, more like in a rocking position.

I’m saying random now because now that we’ve gotten to know each other, I don’t think we can do that again. I don’t think I can do that with anybody again. (That’s a lie.)

So, we get into his car, and he says something to me—I really can’t remember.

But I remember being in the back seat and getting on top. Then Him flipping me from being on top and f**king the sh*t out of me. And that’s when I knew that I was never, ever going to... I was never, ever, ever, ever going to leave that man alone. (That’s a lie. I left him alone.) But I think at that point, words can’t quantify the experience that came from that.

Sex on Your Own Terms

Now, women need to understand that you’re supposed to have sex on your own terms. You’re the woman. The man is going to need you—I don’t know, maybe unless the man is gay

so at the end of the day, it’s your pleasure that matters, not the man’s pleasure. Women need to start putting themselves first.

If your requirements were intimate sex, and that’s what you were looking for, you needed to be more in tune with the person you were having sex with to be satisfied.

Now, what do I mean by intimate sex? Fine, let me go into details, because that’s what I like.

Most women like the rough and crazy sex.

Rough and crazy sex is that: it’s probably tying you up

or it’s flipping you over, or you’re scratching him, he’s allowing you to bite him, he cuffs you up.

Women like that.

That’s okay.

Make sure that if that’s what you actually desire, you’re not with a man who just f**ks you and then, when he comes, just goes to clean up and is pressing his phone.

If that’s not what you desire, speak up or leave.

Another type of sex is the intimate one, which is my favorite. Intimate sex for me...

Sex is like different layers, and you never fully explore a person’s body in one day, or in two days, or one year. I feel like every time you have sex, you are discovering a part of the person you never knew existed.

For me, one of the favorite parts of intimate sex is constant adoration. And it’s not even like I’m not loved at home. I just like being adored. That’s the only way I like intimate, intense sex. Kiss my back. Speak sweet nothingness into my head. Tell me I’m beautiful

Whisper sweet nothingness into your ear and still give you back shots like you’re a slut. Is that TMI? Maybe. I don’t know.

Decoupling Value from Virginity

Sex shouldn’t be a limiting thing for women. I saw on Twitter where this babe said she lost her virginity, and it’s not like she regretted it, but she feels ashamed, and sometimes she feels like she’s guilt-tripping.

I need women to stop tying their value to their virginity.

When I lost my virginity, it was by accident. I didn’t know that I had lost it until I was on my way back home and I saw blood on my underwear—I guess when that hymen tears. When I lost it, I think I felt guilty, but because I have been so self-aware for a long time, it didn’t necessarily feel like it was tied to my value.

Most women, I feel like, have been raised and educated to think that if you are not a virgin, you are a whore. If you are not a virgin, men won’t marry you.

I literally tweeted something on my Twitter today, and one stupid guy told me that in regards to this intimate sex thing.

I watched a video—it was a girl on a Twitter thread—and while he was giving her, I think, doggy, he kissed her back. That just reminded me of Him, because Him does that a lot. Him always kisses my back. He kisses my back, he kisses my neck. If it’s opportune to be kissing my neck, my back, or my forehead while we’re having sex, he’s kissing it.

When I saw that, I commented that women need to experience this.

Once you’ve experienced this, I don’t think you’ve experienced being properly loved and adored after sex. And just because he’s kissing your back, that’s not even the aftercare.

Women are already tying their value to virginity. Men are keeping themselves for their wives? There are a bunch of men who have had sex, who are keeping themselves for their wife? This virginity thing goes to the core point of child marriage.

Men are now looking for young girls to have sex with just because they want to sleep with a virgin.

What? Why? It’s such a disgusting thing to even say that.

Na virgin will go marry.” You can marry a virgin. Nobody gives a f**k. But at the end of the day, a man is marrying a prostitute.

Nobody ever gives a f**k about your sexual life. It is just sex. Your value is not tied to it.

Your body is not tied to it.

Your substance is not tied to it. Your dignity is not tied to it. It is not a big deal.

Women need to be comfortable in sexual spaces. Women need to be comfortable in having sexual conversations.

If a man says something sexual, give it back to him. It’s either you talk him down, or you play him right there—that you are not engaging in any sexual activities.

I have a bunch of random sexual conversations with my friends, where we talk about sex and everything.

Most people need to understand that sex is like the water you drink.

Every damn minute, somebody is having sex. Creation is happening. Somebody is getting pregnant by mistake. Somebody is doing coitus. So why is this such a big deal in today’s day and age?

Why is this seen as glorified heaven? Why is this seen as an exchange rate? Why is this seen as your worth? Why are you, as a woman, scared that a man would see you as a slut because you are talking about your sexual desires?

Every day, I go on Twitter. I also saw on Twitter where they were trying to bash this babe that it is because she’s abroad. If it was a Nigerian babe who was talking about her sexual desires, they would start slut-shaming her. I talk about my sexual desires on my Twitter, and I’m not even popular there.

Men are always going to slut-shame women. I hope women realize that men are always going to hate on them. Men are always going to think negative about them.

Men are always going to think they are prostitutes, they are ashewo, they are cheap, they are good for nothing—just because maybe they post a little bit of cleavage, they are shaking their ass online, they are showing their thighs, their legs, their tits, their nakedness. Men always act like nakedness is a brand new thing—like God did not create us naked, like we were not roaming around the world naked at a point.

Let them talk. Let them slut-shame you. It’s okay. Like, bro. Once you accept that you are ashewo—I am ashewo—all of us are ashewo, that’s the day that you continue and you begin to live a sexually liberated life.

These are the same men who have slept with over 70 women, and they cannot even remember the names of the 70 women. For you, who are cautious with your body... and in fact, don’t be cautious with your body!

F**k whoever the f**k you want to.

When they look up, I don’t even understand—maybe once they look at somebody, they write the person’s body count on their forehead. See, why are we even counting bodies? It’s not like these people are dead.

The way the world is built to shame sex is such a funny way.